shewholies's Diaryland Diary

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Fucking life, man. Life is so weird and wonderful and I can't even believe how far I've come and how far I have left to go.

7:24 p.m. - 07.17.16

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Fucking life, man. Life is so weird and wonderful and I can't even believe how far I've come and how far I have left to go.

7:24 p.m. - 07.17.16

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Surviving

I have been molested, raped and mentally abused. I have been addicted to drugs and totally sober. I have tried to kill myself, I have had someone hold a loaded shotgun to my head. I have been institutionalized and medicated. I have been numb and I have felt everything. I have stumbled upon the body of a loved one in the darkness. I have held the hand of a loved one as they departed this world. I have seen and done and overcome so much, but there is so much more ahead.

One day I will be fearless. I can't wait to see who I become.

9:37 a.m. - 07.10.16

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wisdom from yesterday.

As I read through my this ridiculously candid old diary, I came across an entry titled "the past seems too big for the future to hold it". The entry itself was absolute shit--ramblings of a crazy person who proudly declared an inability to maintain sobriety, but that title really made me think.

(Especially since I forgot just how many absolutely cringe-worthy entries I've written chronicling the complete and total debauchery my self loathing lead to.)

The intrinsic truth of that statement is inspiring, though, because the past really IS too fucking big to drag around with you everywhere you go. That's why you leave it behind you.

This is probably an incredibly simple concept for most non-crazy people, but being that I cannot count myself among them, I have very little shame in declaring proudly that I think I have finally grasped this concept.

2:10 a.m. - 01.08.16

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